I got a call from a dear friend who wanted validation for the displeasure she felt towards her husband. They are new parents, with an adorable 3 week old baby girl. Her question to me was “When did your husband start going out with the guys again, after your baby was born, and how did you feel about it? Am I crazy, or do I have a right to be upset?” Ahh…the memories. 😉
I listened to her rant, did a lot of nodding, laughing, and sympathizing. I totally remember being there! Men, no matter how much they try and no matter how “reformed” they may be, will always be men. They will never truly be able to get it. So here it is boys, listen up!
- We do not “sit at home all day & play with the baby” while you are slaving away at work. We go through the routine of feeding the baby, burping the baby, putting the baby to sleep, rocking the baby, changing the diapers, and starting it all over again. We do this all day long, every day. So yes, it may just be a few drinks after work with the boys to you, but to us, that’s asking us to pull in major over-time & possibly a double shift (depending on how drunk you are when you get home).
- It’s not considered babysitting if it’s your own kid. When you want to go do something, whether it’s to run errands, play golf, or hang out with the guys, it’s simply assumed that we’ll stay home with the baby. That’s fine, and we as mothers love our baby, but it goes both ways sir. If we need to run errands, meet up with girlfriends for coffee, or even shop for an hour, we shouldn’t have to check to see if you’re available to watch the baby while we’re out. You’re not a babysitter. You’re a father. You helped create said baby, so you get to help care for said baby. You’re a big boy, it’s not that hard, you can do it. Stop freaking out about being left alone with the baby.
- Just like you, we’re exhausted by the time you get home from work. We literally count down the minutes until you walk through the door to relieve us of duty. You may have had a long day at work, but trust us, that’s a picnic compared to the day we’ve had. So don’t sit on the couch and claim you need a nap as soon as you get in. Take the kid(s) so we can finally go pee, take a shower, change out of this shirt with spit up on it…you know…minor stuff that you probably take for granted but that we long for.
- You’re not a child and I’m not your mother. I shouldn’t have to tell you how to change the baby’s diaper, or that the under-shirt goes under the shirt when you’re dressing the baby, or even how many shirts you need to pack for that weekend trip! You also do not need my permission to go out with your friends, I’m not that kind of wife, nor do I wish to be. Just be aware of where your priorities lie, and be ok with the consequences of your actions. So yeah, go for those drinks with your friends instead of coming home and helping me with the baby, that’s fine. But don’t expect me to be pleased about it when you get home. Fair is fair.
- You are loved and appreciated. We just want the same. 🙂
Now it’s been a long time since I’ve had these issues with my own husband (he does more than his fair share of the housework and is awesome with taking the kids off my hands so I can get a break), but I’m told that mine is one in a million & I’m quite lucky. I know this and am grateful for it. Maybe I should have him start up a School for Husbands? hehehe
But don’t worry if you’re not there yet with your partner, it was a long road for us as well. Just remember, you started this together & you’re in it together. Deal with it, and love each other. 🙂